Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This could very well be the end.

Things of mine to see:

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Fuck life and screw everyone. That's what kind of mood I'm in right now. Why? I'm depressed again. Yes. Again.

But what sucks is that what makes me depressed is the little stupid shit. Because it's such stupid reasons, it makes me feel like a dumbshit to say I'm depressed, but to be honest, I'm fed up.

One thing that makes me feel this way is the amount of stress I'm under. I'm expected to work miracles of multi-taking and quality in almost every class as well as doing my entire paper route on time and completely correct. How the hell am I supposed to do all this? My paper route will take me about an hour and a half and my homework will keep me up until 02:00! This all compacts the other problems I'm having right now.

The other major thing screwing with my mind is my mind itself. I had a dream last night. It was nice that I finally dreamed, but it's not what I dreamed of. Here's how the dream went.

Missing part due to bad memory... Someone I know (I can't remember who) takes me to a particularly strange shrink who works with groups of two. She tells this other kid who's there that he is a lion and somehow he disappears. (I don't know how he left, but he did.) Then she turns attention to me and starts listing that which I call my problems. She slaps a label of "Crazy" on me and prescribed drugs. At the end of the dream, I die from the drug because I'm not crazy.

So that's how the dream went. It's not at all cool because I know that I'm not crazy. I know I'm not, and several others know that too, though I think they doubt it quite often...

I don't know. If this will be my final words I ever write, so be it and I will leave this on my computer as I end this torture, but if it is not then it is a hopefully a stepping stone to better things and a painful reminder that life does still indeed suck, even if for stupid reasons.

I think I'm going to go work and sulk in that corner instead of this one. :(

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